Heartbreaks, Plots and Post-it Notes
by hayleyrebecca
Summary: Ok, this is a Janny fic but Jonny/Mo, Sacha/Jac and Mo/Sacha fits into this to embed. I have listed all the involved characters ready for when they come into the story... This is just an idea I had on how Janny may evolve at this stage. It is without the baby though because its set around the time just after Jac slapped Jonny...
1. Sort Yourself Out, Or That's It

**Ok, my second fic... yay! More ramble for you lovelies! **

**This is an idea I had on how I think the Janny situation might pan out, etc. At the moment this doesn't include the baby though... **

**It is set around the time when Jac slapped him and they split up but apart from that has very little relation to the actual story. It is hard to really tell where it is going from this chapter, but I needed to set the scene a little bit so that is why. Hopefully I will have the next chapter up tonight as well!**

**I have tried to remove as many errors as I can, so sorry if some remain!**

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A bleak, misty, cold morning in Holby. And to make things worse, it was a Monday. And Monday early shifts were always the worst. Especially when a week of late and early shifts faced a poor soul. Mo was sat at the nurse's station; looking for some way to amuse herself for the work that faced her for the day was simply not going to provide any form of entertainment. She needed some new gossip, or some old gossip she didn't yet know the full story about; either would suit in this very moment, she was so bored she didn't even care.

A slow padding of feet approached the nurse's station from behind her; Mo spun around in her chair in the hope that this person may be able to provide some form of amusement. Much to her disgust, it was Jonny who was approaching her, rubbing his eyes and running his fingers through his hair. Before he met Jac and she changed the way that he was, she would have been thrilled that her best-mate was on hand, on hand to be her partner in crime and constantly make her laugh. But now, since the ice-queen had broken his heart he had changed; as hard as he tried his best to keep up appearances and not let Jac see how much she had destroyed him with her actions, he seemed to spend more time trying to avoid her and her icy attacks during the day and drinking his evenings away until he could no longer remember what had happened in the hours before, than he did being his usual self. He seemed to think his life was better if he did this; drink away his sorrows and forget his misery. He looked up at Mo who was sat there with a look of disgust and a frown on her face.

"Please Mo. I don't want another argument with you. You're my oldest friend, my best friend, your all I have left and I don't want to fall out with you anymore than we have. I just want us back to how we used to be." Jonny was zoned-out. He was distant and sleepy, he was quite clearly hung over yet again and it appeared he hadn't shaved properly in days. His breath stunk and it scared Mo to see her best friend in this state over a woman; a woman who clearly had no heart. Otherwise she wouldn't have done this to him. She was ripping him in two and Mo had decided she had had enough.

Grabbing his scrub top forcefully, and almost pulling him on top of her while he was in his daze, she dragged him towards the staffroom, a room she knew had a lock and coffee and a table and biscuits; all the things she hoped that she could use to pull him round, to help her friend and put him back on the straight and narrow. Checking the staffroom and finding two nurses sitting at the table, Mo was abrupt in telling them to 'Get out and get on with some work! The last time she checked shift breaks didn't last for 40 minutes. They had had their allotted 30 and they only started work an hour before!' She scared herself with her harshness, but maybe she thought that maybe this would help him to get the impression he needed to change; that his actions were causing her pain too. When the nurses had vacated the area, giving Jonny a quick shove into the staffroom Mo followed the wreck who was stumbling over his own feet trying to regain his balance. She slammed the door as hard as she could, to prove the largest point she could, making Jonny jump high into the air looking startled at Mo.

"Jonny. Sit down! I have had enough! How many days have you done this now? Drunk away your sorrows in the sole company of yourself, not let me help you because you think I don't understand. And maybe you are right; I don't understand what you see in Jac, why she has had this effect on you and why you are like this now it seems it's all over. But I do know you. I do understand you. And Jonny, look at yourself you're a wreck. 11 evenings and nights you have done this now, and that is the time I have seen you! You haven't been able to turn up for a shift your normal self or not in a state for 15 days! 15 days Jonny! Don't you think it's time you sorted everything out? Either pull yourself together and get over her or speak to her and sort it out! Because I can't do this for much longer! I am defending you to everyone, you think you are keeping up appearances but you are not. Everyone can see it Jonny, it is just you who refuses to accept it. And I will be honest Jonny Mac, it scares me to see you like you, I have never seen you so down in love before. I hate to think you are just going to keep drinking your life away and then it will be gone. I am here to help you, but I am not going to help you if you will not acknowledge you need to help yourself. You have until the end of the day to decide and sort your life out, or that's it Jonny, this friendship is over! I can't do the worry and sleepless nights anymore!

Mo stood up straight as she had found she was leaning against the wall, exhausted by the energy Jonny and his problems were absorbing from her. She felt harsh only giving him until the end of the day, but she had decided if he turned up to work again today, in the same state she had seen him in for a while, ever since Jac and Jonny split, she would have to tell him and make it clear to him he needed to sort his life out. And he had. So she did. Just as she reached for the door handle she heard a sniff.

"Mo..." She wasn't sure if Jonny was sobbing, she was pretty sure he was as he was staring downwards at the table, his forehead resting on his hand, with his general overall negative posture. He sniffed again and then continued. He sounded very depressed and this tore at Mo's heart a little. "I don't know what to do now. Please I have tried everything I can try. I don't actually know what there is left to try. I have been well and truly beaten by her…"

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**Sorry its shorter than normal, **

**Thanks for reading, Please review. x**

**Hayley x**


	2. CallIng In The Backup

**Second chapter, sorry it wasn't up last night! **

**Hope its ok, I am slowing getting towards my main idea of a storyline but I didn't think I could just jump straight in, so you have my waffle for a while!**

**Sorry for errors (I feel I have to say this every time!) Read and review x**

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"_I don't know what to do now. Please I have tried everything I can. I don't actually know what is left…"_

"I can't try any more than I have. I have tried to move on. You have to believe me Mo, I want to hate her, I want to forget about her but I just can't. I have even been lucky our shifts haven't crossed that much. I haven't had to see her greatly. But the night I tried to go with no alcohol, thinking I was stronger, I got back to my flat and everything came rushing back. I thought I could be strong, so I went to go to find some food, to cook dinner, drink coffee and pig-out on chocolate, because that's what I thought I had to do, and that's what people normally do to get over a break up. Except it worked for everyone else but it just wouldn't work for me. I had a single picture of us on the fridge, and as hard as I tried to rip it up and bin it, I couldn't. I stood with it in my hands looking at how happy we seemed, even if we weren't, I could see the happiness I felt and the happiness I wanted to feel. And that's when I broke down again. I tried to drink coffee and eat chocolate, leave the picture off the fridge and try to forget, except I couldn't. It was the simple things that got to me; that the coffee was _her _favourite coffee and the chocolate was the opened, half-eaten as _we_ had shared it only days before. I found I couldn't hate. I couldn't forget. I didn't think I could move on. I even tried to speak to her. I have tried too many times, but she just blanks me, like she doesn't even care. So you would think I could hate her for that. But then Jiminy Cricket tells me that I can't hate her for it, because she is hurting too. So I turned to the alcohol, because that helped me to forget for a while. And that's what I was told I needed to do. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to forget, I love her Mo, no matter what you say, I genuinely thought that she was the one, she was the soul mate who I had found and we were meant for each other, even if we were complete opposites. I just thought that we worked. But if she won't talk to me, then I have to move on, don't I? But I can't just do that, it is not that simple. Mo, I don't know what to do know anymore."

Mo was very concerned for her friend. He had never done anything like that before. Never spoken to her so deeply before. Even though they were the best friends in the whole entire world. "Don't you worry, Jonny. You go and sort yourself out. Go and take a shower, have a sleep in the on call room, I will explain you are feeling under the weather if anybody asks. I will make you a cup of coffee and bring it along in say 20 minutes? And a couple of biscuits? Everything looks brighter after a cup of coffee and a couple of biscuits." She smiled at him, to which he returned the smile, even with the hurt over powering his eyes. "Now, go!" She watched him leave and then set to work on her planning what she would do next.

So she knew that she had to help him. And help her. As much as she didn't like him being with the skinny ginger witch, he was better off with her if he was going to be like he currently was if without her. In a way they were cute. And they did complement each other. But how to get them to talk was going to be easier said than done. She needed someone who was close to Jac, because she could deal with Jonny, and he would play ball if it meant that he could get back with the 'love of his life'. But Jac wasn't going to be so simple to woo, she wouldn't follow the little trails that she was planning to leave and she wouldn't buy what she had to say; Mo and Jac were too distant, too much like enemies for Jac to take any notice of Mo, or her cunning plan on this touchy subject.

She thought about finding a friend to talk to Jac. Get out her emotions so that she could twist her plan to fit to what she feeling. Hit a few nerves that it was certain Jac would respond to. There was another problem to this, however. Jac didn't have any friends on Darwin. Not really. Nobody she could really rely on or trust in and believe. She was mutual with Elliot, and he loved her like a daughter, but Mo wasn't sure if he was the best person to try to help Jac understand why she _needed_ to talk to Jonny, and sooner _rather than _later. Oliver and Tara were out of the question, and that left Jonny who had immediately been written off. The nurses were no use, Jac saw them as vermin, she had proved that; to her it seemed that they were some lowly, little, pointless life-form that existed only to serve the doctors on a ward. Mo's mind was desperate. She knew that she needed someone else who could help her with her devious plan, her plan which would allow her to mend two very broken hearts and re-build two very lost, lonely, destroyed lives.

Thinking about elsewhere in the hospital, she first thought of Michael, but he would just wind Jac up, and that would _not _help with Jac realising he emotions, so he was _very_ little use. Serena seemed to understand Jac, being of very similar character by herself. Except Mo wrote her off in her mind, for Jac would more than likely flip at the prospect that Serena would know her private business. That left one person.

Sacha. How had he not come to her instantly? Jac's one true friend in this place, besides from Jonny when they were together. The friend that Sacha was to Jac was a caring, loving, all-engulfing soul who looked out for her in every way. He did everything in his power to ensure that Jac was happy. He was the perfect person. He was cheesy enough to go along with Mo's plan, yet caring enough to see the positive side that would benefit both his best friend and Jonny. Jac would listen to him, and even if he didn't speak to her, using him in her plan meant Mo had the insider's knowledge on how to see inside Jac Naylor, how to push her emotions to get the desired outcome, how to again win Jac's heart for Jonny without her even knowing that she was doing it. It was also great news for Mo, because it meant that she was not alone in this, Jac and Jonny could easily bite her head off and become very annoyed at what she was plotting, but with Sacha; well Jac could not become annoyed with him and so would more likely in a shorter time shrug it off and try to see the lighter side. Grudges would not be held for as long if nothing else, so involving Sacha in this had more benefit than the positive effect on manipulating Jac it would have.

All Mo needed to do was to find Sacha. She picked up her phone and dialled his mobile number. She knew he would agree and she was thinking about what to say when he picked up… "Hi Mo? What would you like? Are you ok?" Sacha asked in his usual cheery voice.

"Hi Sacha! Yes, I am fine. Are you? Look I have a little plan I need to put into action to aid the two hopeless love-birds on Darwin, one being my best-friend and the other being yours, so I need your help to bring it to life…"

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**Don't know if it is obvious where I am going yet, I hope it is...**

**Thanks! Hayley x**


	3. Rear Car Park

**3rd chapter, and I am getting nearer to the story now! I will upload the next chapter tonight, promise this time! If not you can bug me and spam me until I do! I give you permission!**

**Sorry for any errors, read and review please! x**

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"_Hi Sacha! Yes, I am fine. Are you? Look I have a little plan I need to put into action with the two hopeless love-birds on Darwin, one being my best-friend and the other being yours, so I need your help to bring it to life…" _

"Ok? I will be able to leave Darwin in 5 minutes. Take a break from AAU and meet me in the rear car park ok? … Yes I said the rear car park, I can't afford anyone to hear what I am going to say to you, and when you find out, trust me you will not want anyone to feed this back to them. Rear car park, 5 minutes," Mo told him once again before hanging up the phone and beaming to herself. The plan was slowing forming and the cogs of her brain were working. She knew what she wanted to do.

5 minutes later as she had said, Mo was stood in the rear car park waiting for Sacha. Except he hadn't come. Maybe he wasn't coming and this plan was falling through. But Mo should have more faith. "Where have you been? I haven't got all day you know!"

Approaching with two coffees, Sacha apologised and speaking in his very cheery tone, he told that firstly if she wanted to come up with a grand plan they would need brain food, and also it was freezing so she wouldn't get him to stand outside if he didn't have some form of warmth. "So then, what's your grand plan? I know we need one, Jac's been very distant from me recently, it's like she doesn't want to be hurt by anyone else or she can't stand to be near anyone who she trusts."

"Don't say that Sacha!" Mo snapped with a smile on her face. "I need you to… erm… well… this is a lot to ask… but…"

"Oh just spit it out woman," Sacha interrupted playfully hitting her arm, "I kind of need to know what you want me to do in order to be able to do it!"

Mo seemed cautious and guilty as she spoke. "Right. Don't kill me. Please. But I need you to find out how Jac is feeling. I know that she is missing Jonny but I need to know why she is missing Jonny, how she is missing Jonny. And what it is she wants to happen…"

"You want me to open up Jac Naylor!? You have to be joking Mo! Even for me that is like asking me to trek across the distance of the Sahara desert with no food or water! You know it is like hitting a brick wall repeatedly when you try! You never get anyway and all it causes is hurt to you! I honestly don't think I can do that…" In a reverse it was now Sacha who was feeling cautious. He knew in his heart of hearts he really wanted to help Jac to be happy; she had never been happier than when she was with Jonny, and he really wanted her back to how she had been for those months. But he honestly didn't know if he could do what Mo wanted. And he really wanted to help Mo also; he considered her a very close friend who he knew he could rely upon, so he really wanted to prove that she could rely on him. And this wasn't proving that, except he really didn't know what he was going to do.

"Oh please Sacha… I really need you to do this before I can carry out my plan… Otherwise it won't work… And I couldn't think of anyone else, you are the closest person to Jac in this place, in the world if I am honest, and I really think you can do this?! Anyway, I need you to do this, whether you think you can or not." It was clear to Sacha, Mo was adamant on this one and was not going to change.

Seeming to be really worried "But what happens _when_ she bites my head off for asking. Not if, _when_. What do I say then, because she sure isn't going to buy I was interested, is she? This is Jac Naylor we are talking about here."

"I don't know, just be honest with her and hope for the best. Anyway its better you than me!" Mo smirked, in response to which Sacha crossed his arms and turned as if to sulk. "Hey, I was only joking, _sorry _Sacha" Mo spoke like three you old, wining for forgiveness with puppy dog eyes.

"So, say I agree to this. Talk to Jac, _and _survive. I feed back what I learn, _if_ anything, to you. What's the plan after that?" Mo looked confused. "You have worked that out haven't you?"

Once again roles had been reversed, and it was now Mo who seemed to be the position to be nervous. "Erm… yeah… sure… Sacha… I had one idea but I don't know what you will think of it?" She looked at him, before leaning up against a tree and drinking some of her coffee, as if to calm her nerves.

"You really seem to think I am a mind reader today. Well I am not Jac. So just tell me in black and white or like you put it 'I haven't got all day you know!" Sacha was trying to seem cheery, but he was becoming more and more impatient. He really didn't want to put up with this today.

"Right, ok. This might seem really far-fetched and ridiculous but I have one idea. I want to use my magic weapon. The best thing ever invented…"

"Yes, and that is… cut to it Mo!"

"POST-IT NOTES!" Mo looked very impressed with herself.

"_Post-it notes._ Are you serious Mo?" Sacha seemed very let down by this anti-climax.

"Yes, POST-IT NOTES! I am going to leave post-it notes for one as if they were the other and then see where it goes. But they will then think they are both talking and they are both making an effort, even though they won't know that it is me! And then they will talk because they think they already are and they will have confessed their feeling and oh my goodness they will get back together and it will all be happy and they will get married and have children and live in a little house and Jonny will be happy and Jac will be happy and I will have my best friend back!" Mo seemed like she had this planned specifically.

"_Right. _Ok Mo. You seem to have this planned very matter-of-factly. And I think it might work, but I think that it needs some Sacha sparkle added to it, to make it perfect? What you say Mo? Me and you partners in crime…?" Sacha had changed. This gave him something to focus on. And he wanted nothing more than to help Mo to help Jac. Little did Mo know, but this did not only mean that she could get her best friend back, but Sacha could get his back to. He was warming to this idea, even if it did involve the annoying things that were post-its.

"Erm, yes Sacha. Don't make it sound like you wanted us to be partner is crime first! I thought of this idea. Mine. Me. I thought of use being partners in crime!" Mo pretended to hit his head playfully whilst there was a beaming smile on her face. "There is one condition though… You need to speak to Jac first. No information from Jac. No partners in crime. Got it!?" Mo could be manipulative, Sacha knew that, but she was literally black mailing him.

"I suppose so Mo. Well _I _better get back to work, considering _some_ of us actually need to do some! And yes, I will speak to Naylor ok? I will try my best! Wish me luck?! Because I am going to need it if I want to stay alive!"

Sacha turned and walked away. He didn't see Mo's smirk as the conversation ended and the little dance she did when she realised she had firstly won that battle, and she was one step closing in getting to what she wanted…

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**So there we go again! **

**Thanks x Hayley x**


	4. The Lift to Doom

**3 chapters uploaded in one day. Goodness I must be bored! OR love you all very much to bore you with my waffle. **

**Sorry for errors. Its getting late and I my checking skills become worse...**

**I can sense this fic dragging on for many chapters to come, if that's ok! :/ Read and review x**

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_Sacha turned and walked away. He didn't see Mo's smirk as the conversation ended and the little dance she did when she realised she had firstly won that battle, and she was one step closing in getting to what she wanted…_

Sacha had spent the rest of the morning worrying about how he was going to approach and speak to Jac. Did he ring her and ask her to meet him? Or did he just turn up? Did he apologise for turning up unannounced? Should he let her push him away, and should he admit defeat? All these questions had been going round and round in his head, like a big wheel, as he battled his conscience and his confidence trying to decide what to do.

But then he had decided. He knew he needed to do this to help him, her and Jonny. And in effect helping Mo. So he had decided on what he thought was the best, he was going to turn up at Darwin at half past 2 in the afternoon. Jac would more than likely be in her office or due a break, and she most likely would have finished her morning ops but not started her operations scheduled for 4 o'clock and onwards.

So it would be a perfect time to catch her. And by this point, he had decided, it was likely that she would need a coffee after her half 11 one by this point. So he was going to turn up at Darwin. And he wasn't going to apologise for turning up, after he had a right to go and offer his best friend a coffee, didn't he?

So that left him where he was now, in a lift. On the way to meet his doom. Or that was how he felt. He was fidgeting. Nobody was in the lift with him and now one floor away he felt rather anxious. He knew he shouldn't feel like this, he shouldn't be worried about going to visit his supposed best friend. But he was. He thought it was because he was going behind her back.

But he was doing it for her own good. If she wasn't so stubborn and would speak to Jonny he wouldn't be doing this. She would see he had done good. In the end. At least that is what he hoped.

"Ding. Darwin Ward." The lift told him. He suddenly felt sicker. His heart was in his chest. He felt like he felt before he went on his first date as a 15 year old. He knew it was stupid. But he was stupid. As he step out into the light, he was met less than gracefully by the Darwin hustle and bustle. Gaining a few strange looks, as if to say, 'Why are you here' Sacha headed towards Mo, whose face had perked up, upon seeing him turn around the corner.

"Where's Jac?" Sacha whispered harshly. As if it was a secret he had to keep, but didn't want to.

"In her office, of course stupid!" Mo replied humoured, as if keeping up appearances.

"Thanks." Sacha replied bluntly. "You really are not helping me with all this positive energy I am getting from you! I feel sick as it is!" Sacha turned towards Jac's office, letting out a heavy sigh. Placing one foot in front of the other, he approached, as if following instructions he had been given.

Reaching the door, he hesitated. Raising his hand, saying "Here goes nothing," Sacha knocked on the door, before reaching for the door handle. Missing clumsily the first time, he reached again and opened the door. Entering, Jac looked up.

"Sacha. What do you want? You haven't spoken to me in a while." 'Great' Sacha thought, she seems in a great mood to be broaching this subject.

"Hi to you too, Jac. How are you? I am fine. Thanks for asking. And no I haven't because you seemed to insist on closing me off, so that's why I have come to find you, to ensure that you are ok. Because I was worried about you. Does that suit you?" Sacha was in no mood for her games and sarcasm; he simply wanted to talk to her, ask what he had been instructed and get it over with. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with his best mate, it was simply he wanted to solve the problem that he was facing.

"Sorry. I haven't been myself Sacha. I haven't been out much, other than to work. Did you want anything specific?" Jac put on her sweetest, most welcoming voice, but Sacha knew this was a front.

"To take you for a coffee. To have a catch up." Jac opened her mouth in which to speak, but Sacha beat her to it. "No Jac. I don't care what you are saying. You are coming. So come on, grab your hoody or something and come on." He threw her her grey Holby hoody and dragged her towards the lift.

Stood inside the lift was awkward. Jac simply stood with her arms folded while Sacha stood and fidgeted around. "Will you stop moving Sacha, you are making me nervous and I don't know why I should be! Or why you are?!"

Reaching the ground floor, Jac and Sacha headed towards the coffee shop, where Sacha bought them both a coffee and two cakes, and though Jac was adamant she didn't want one, Sacha had decided she would more than likely need one after what he was going to talk about.

"Inside? Or outside?" Sacha question, in reply to which Jac nodded towards the doors. Sacha took this as outside, a little upset by the fact Jac hadn't responded with words. So he simply just followed, followed her outside to the furthest bench from the door. It was almost like she knew he might want to dive back to the lifts quickly.

Sitting down and handing Jac her coffee, Sacha was the first to speak. "So, how are you?" He tried to sound concerned and comforting, not that he wasn't concerned and didn't want to comfort her, but simply he didn't feel like he sounded convincing enough otherwise.

"Not the best Sacha, but I don't want to talk about it. How about you, let's talk about you?" Jac tried to change the conversation, but Sacha jumped on his chance.

"No Jac. Let's talk about you. I want to make sure you are ok and at the minute you aren't helping me too. I know you are not with Jonny anymore, and it's since then you have been distant from me. What happened, Jac? What went wrong, you loved him so much Jac? How are you feeling Jac? Why are you feeling it Jac? Talk to me, let me understand. Because if I know you, you will have kept this locked up for 4 weeks and not got it of your system. You are hurting and I want to help you. Please…?"

Sacha turned to Jac to be faced with a fuming Naylor, just standing up, arms folded, and eye's piecing Sacha's skin with her look. She stood up to leave. Sensing this, Sacha grabbed her arm, pulling her back down, not letting her get away that easily…

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**There we go again! This is the last update of this one, for today! Until tomorrow...**

**Thanks x Hayley x**


	5. I Mucked It All Up

**Here we go. Another quite long chapter at 2,000 words… I found this one hard to write. So it's not great. I struggle with Jac/Sacha.**

**Sorry for errors. (I feel obliged to say this every time…) Please read and review. (Well you've clicked on it so of course you plan to read… poor you!)**

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_Sacha turned to Jac to be faced with a fuming Naylor, just standing up, arms folded, and eye's piecing Sacha's skin with her look. She stood up to leave. Sensing this, Sacha grabbed her arm, pulling her back down, not letting her get away that easily… _

"No, Jac. I am not just going to let you walk away. How can I try to help myself and my problems, when I know that my best friend in the whole entire world is hurting, but she is too stubborn to help herself and let the world help her? How do you expect me just to carry on Naylor, I can't just pretend everything is fine when I know that you are upset!" Sacha spoke comfortingly, a sense of companionship in his voice.

And it wasn't that Jac didn't know that he cared, she knew he was genuinely worried about her and wanted to help; but it was that she wasn't sure if she help herself. If she could admit defeat and stand up to the fact she was hurting and Jonny had ripped her heart in two, but it was her own fault that it happened. She didn't know if she could admit she was wrong and apologise to Jonny, even though she knew that if she ever wanted to stand a chance with him, she would need to.

But over all of this, she had decided he wouldn't want anything to her ever again anyway. She had wrecked the best thing in her life, other than her job which didn't seem very important or worth living for at this moment in time; except she didn't know how she could rectify it, how she could get Jonny back.

A single solitary tear rolled down her cheek. And as much as she fought, another one came, and another to follow that. Sacha's faced dropped from the comforting smile, to pity, even though he knew Jac wouldn't want pity; he just couldn't help himself and he pulled her over to him for one her famous bear hugs. "What happened Naylor? What went wrong? Talk to me?"

Except even that reminded her of Jonny, he used to say that. "Talk to me." And the way he said it, it melted her heart. So the tears kept rolling, rolling down her cheeks and there was nothing she could do to stop them. And it didn't matter that they had done this every night for the past 4 weeks. She would have thought she would have used all her body's water content up by now, that she would have dried up and shrivelled.

But maybe Sacha was right, maybe she should talk to him. He wasn't out to stab her in the back. He wasn't like that. He wouldn't do that. He would be there to comfort her, and he wouldn't judge her for what she did; he wouldn't throw her actions back in her face because he wasn't like that. For some reason he saw the good in her, not the vile, cold act that everybody else saw. Or were expected to see.

And then Jac started, it all came flooding out. In streams and streams of words.

"I mucked it all up Sacha. I mucked everything up. The best thing in my life, I wrecked it all. With a few harsh words and one reckless action. And then of course, being me, with my stubbornness and pride, I was unable to admit what I had done wrong, and tell Jonny I was sorry." She looked up at Sacha, her eyes blotchy and red. It hurt him to see her like this, except he still hadn't worked out what she had done. What could be so awful that it meant everything special had ended? He nodded for her to continue, even though the confusion was evident on his face.

"I had found out that morning, I was told I had endometriosis. And I was scared Sacha. And I mucked it up. Because as often as I had been adamant that I didn't want children, a single child even, up until then I still had a chance. And everything had been going well with Jonny; he had asked me to move in with him. But I mucked it up. And I couldn't have been happier about it, apart from the fact that I couldn't give him what he wanted. And I was prepared to do it Sacha. Have kids with Jonny. Because that's how much he meant to me. And I mucked it up."

She kept repeating those 5 words over and over, as if she was a stuck record. "So I had pains in theatre, and Mo already knew something was going on, but with my pride and stubbornness, I didn't want to let on that there was anything wrong. I didn't want to let on that I was in pain. And so she, Tara, she was going to clip a bleed, but she did it wrong and I snapped. All my pain, and anger, and pressure, and pride, burst out at Tara. I threw her out. And I don't regret that, because she needed to learn. But Jonny was adamant that I had been wrong and harsh and I needed to apologise. He kept asking me to call her back in."

She looked up at Sacha once again.

"He was only doing a kind thing Jac. He was only looking out for Tara. And knowing you, maybe you were a bit harsh, you do kind of have this way of pushing," Sacha joked, "But please don't tell me that you fell out over that, because he wanted to help someone? Please Jac; surely even you are not that stupid!"

Jac sighed once more, the silent tears still rolling, still slipping down her cheeks. She sniffed a little.

"Not directly Sacha, but yeah, I suppose that's where it started. I suppose that that was how I began to muck it up. I finished the op, and dragged Jonny out of the theatre. I started to yell, something about how he shouldn't have questioned me in there. And of course he responded, of course he tried to be soft at first. He didn't want to fight. But I wasn't done. And I mucked it up. With a few carefully chosen words, designed to puncture his heart, I shouted at him. Stab after stab I told him. I told him about how his plans of moving in together were a bad idea and how having children together was ridiculous. And I mucked it up. But of course, he didn't let me go easily. Why should he after all, when I was going out to stab him. It is in my nature, Sacha, hurt before I can be hurt. But his words were not as bad as mine. They all blurred into one. He didn't want to fight; he was just defending himself, trying to knock me down from where I was almighty and powerful. And I mucked it up. His words I cannot remember, apart from where it ended. The words which tore me down but angered me, words which pushed me too far. "_Who in their right mind would want to have a baby with you anyway. Any product of your womb has an evens chance of being the anti-christ!"_ And he yelled it at me Sacha, he wanted to make me see I was wrong. He wanted to hurt me, after I had told him his plans were such bad ideas. I was killing what he had dreamt of. And I don't blame him for fighting back. But his words; his words were extreme. I mucked it up. I took it too far. I slapped him."

Sacha's face fell. "Oh Jac…" He sounded annoyed and pitiful all wrapped up in one.

"But his words hurt me Sacha. The struck me so deep. Hurt me so much. Because who could say that I am so evil I could infiltrate the potential life of child simply by carrying it. I am so vile I could muck up a little baby before they were even born. Any other day Sacha. _Any,_ other day. I could have brushed it off, played some sarcastic card. But not that day Sacha. I was hurting. Hurting so much at the news I had received that morning. And he struck a nerve. And I mucked it up. I slapped him and I regretted it as soon as I had done it. I don't even know why I did. Well I know why I did. But I loved him more than that. So I can't understand. Why did I? I thought my love was stronger. Stronger than the hate I had felt in that moment. Quite simply, he walked away. He just looked at me with shock and sadness and walked away. And I didn't make any effort to make it better. I am too stubborn for my own good. I mucked up everything that was good Sacha, and I made everything go wrong!"

Jac placed her head into her hands and cried. She cried. And cried. Cried for all she was worth. Sacha was in complete shock. He didn't know what to say.

"Jac. Don't cry. I can understand why you did it. But why did Jonny say that? With your endometriosis. That is just cruel. Plain horrible. So I am surprised he wasn't expecting a slap…"

Jac interrupted.

"…he didn't know Sacha. I hadn't told him. I was keeping it to myself. I was so scared he would reject me because I couldn't give him the children he so desperately wanted. He wanted it all and I couldn't do it. I couldn't give it to him. I loved him too much for him to reject me, for he would have broken me when he did. I want him back so much. I want him to hold me at night and kiss me when we are alone and tell me the world will be fine. But it all ends up the same way. Everything ends up as Jac alone. Evil Naylor, all alone."

"Hey, don't speak like that!" Sacha tried to seem more cheery than he felt, "You've got me you fool. And Elliot. And Mo cares about you. And if I am honest, Jonny still cares about you. He has been drinking his evenings away Jac. In the back corner, all alone, drinking his life away." Jac looked shocked.

"But he has hidden it from you obviously. You, you are a pair. While he has been moping and consuming more alcohol than the entire hospital staff on a Friday night, you have been moping in you flat. All. Alone. You need to speak to him Jac. I take it he still doesn't know about the endometriosis? I think things would be very different if he did. He wants to help you. Wants to look after you. Can't you see that he cares for you! He cares for you far more than anybody should ever care for another person. You really need to talk to him. Now come on. Frown, upside down." Sacha pulled a beaming smile, "You go and speak to…"

"No. I can't Sacha." Jac stood up. And there was no point arguing with the fact that she thought she couldn't. "He won't want me back Sacha, not now with my pointless womb. I am a pointless human being. I can serve no purpose Sacha. Why would anything or_ anything_ love that?!"

Jac stood up, and before Sacha could stop her, she was gone. Sacha was shocked by what he had heard. Not knowing what else to do, for he knew running after Jac wasn't an option, Sacha phoned Mo.

"Hi, Sacha, what's happened? You spoke?" Mo was talking in code; she couldn't risk anybody finding out about the plan.

"Hi, Mo. Yes. I see what you mean. We _really_ do need to help. Things are falling apart. Far more than I had guessed. Jac is breaking up into dust. And Jonny doesn't know the half of it. What should we do Mo? We need to do something. And pretty fast…"

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**Don't quite know when you will get the next chapter… I planned to do it today, but probably wont be…**

**Thanks x Hayley x**


	6. I Shouldn't Have Said That

**I have finally updated this fic... I got really stuck on this chapter, thats why I haven't updated in a while! I still have a long way to go with this fic is people want it? Or I can just give up on it now... But I promise I will update more often from now on! Sorry for any errors.**

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Mo could hear the desperation and worry in Sacha's voice. Sacha knew Jac better than anyone, so him saying that she was "falling to dust" quite clearly meant that she was falling apart. And she knew Jonny better than any other soul, so for him to seem to her like he had given up always meant that he had, or was very close to letting go; preparing to up stakes and move on.

One of the reasons they had moved to Holby was because Jonny's life had once again "fallen apart" with his family and this seemed like the only logical option at the time. Except Mo wasn't prepared to do that, not again; she wasn't going to run away one time more and more to the point Mo wasn't going to let Jonny throw away what he and Jac could have, so easily. As much as she hated the way Jac could be, Mo had adopted to believe she had a "you know my name, not my story" life and Mo accepted that, to an extent. But it wasn't acceptable for her to try to use this to end what she and Jonny had shared. That special thing. She was too right for Jonny and Jonny was too right for her for that to happen. She could be the voice or reason, Jonny seemed to lack and Jonny had more than enough humour and light-hearted attitude to be shared many ways, which Jac desperately needed. They were good for each other, they were just right.

Arranging to meet Sacha at the end of her shift, and head to a pub somewhere secluded, the cogs of Mo's mind began to turn. She was good at plotting, she was good at making people do what she wanted and she was excellent at knowing how to get people in traps.

Greeting Sacha they headed towards his car; Mo had got a taxi into work so she found no other way of getting home. Arriving at the pub, they ordered a couple of beers each, thinking this might take a while, and headed to the furthest table at the back of the pub. Sacha sighed and Mo nodded.

"What's the grand plan then, because we sure as heck need one? I have never seen Jac like this before. It honestly scares me Mo. She's blaming herself for everything, she's adamant that _she_ mucked everything up and that's it. And you know Jac, you have had to work with Jac, she never, ever admits that she feels she has mucked everything up, she never admits that she might possibly have been wrong. Far too much pride and self-respect to do that. She is seriously worrying me Mo, and with her endometriosis, overall she is in a right state. I would go as far as to say that I am concerned about where her mental health is lying at the moment."

"Well to be honest, a lot of this is her own fault, she has mucked a lot of this up... wait... What?! Jac has endometriosis, I take it Jonny doesn't know? Why has she not told him? She needs to tell him, he will want to be there for her, he will want to love her and look after her... oh they have both been stupid, idiotic fools." Mo was shocked at this latest revelation and turn of events. She was beginning to understand why Jac had been so closed and pushed Jonny away. This was Jac, this was how Jac was and she would have has her own seemingly justifiable reasons in her own head. It was more than probable however,that in the real world her reasoning would be stupid.

"You try telling Jac that! You think I don't know how stupid she is being!? But trying to convince Jac something is one way when she is adamant that that is wrong and it is in fact another, is like trying to suggest to a marmite hater that it is lovely! It just doesn't happen..." Sacha spoke with reason and seemed to make much sense even if he was drawing far-fetched comparisons.

"But marmite is disgusting. Why anyone would like that..."

Sacha cut her off "My point exactly Mo," Sacha smirked, "But we are here to sort out our best friends love lives, not discuss how wonderful marmite is...!" Mo glared at him whilst trying desperately not to burst out laughing. "What has Jonny said, does he want to be with Jac? Or has he given up? Because I am sure as hell that Jac wants to be with him. No doubt in my mind. But there is one question I have. How do you think Jonny will take the endometriosis, it is obvious he wants children. Except, does he want children with Jac, and would he stand by her forever if he knew that there was a very strong chance she couldn't give them to him, no matter how much she wanted to. I know he would want to love her and care for her; help her battle away all her pain, but please reassure me that he wouldn't throw Jac in the gutter, reject her and move in on to another model in one, two, five, even ten years time! That is when he thinks he decides he has made an awful mistake promising to be with her through everything; that the whole in his chest left by no children is too great to ignore."

Sacha could tell Mo was becoming slightly irritated at the way he was thinking of Jonny; and at the fact Sacha even felt the need to question and ask what he had of someone who was like a brother to her. But then she supposed it was only fair and justified; she could see why he was wondering those things, it made logical sense.

"Please Mo, don't get annoyed at me for asking this, Jac is like a sister to me, all be it a very stubborn sister, and I don't want to plot and scheme against her, sail her down the river, if it is only ever going to lead to her heart breaking. She is already very suspicious I am up to something, I feel so guilty going behind her back as it is, and I can't do it if she is only going to be lead to misery. She has been torn by a bloke too many times; she cried too many tears when Joseph left her behind and I can only imagine her being worse with Jonny, I have never seen her like this with anyone else."

Sacha spoke with sincerity and it was clear to Mo how much he loved his best friend. It was understandable, and after all, it was only the same love that she felt for Jonny.

"Well, I know Jonny better than Jonny knows himself, and I'd argue and deeply know he would never, ever do that, not too anyone, but least of all to Jac. He is completely and utterly lovesick. No way on earth is he going to get over the ice-queen soon. Sulking, drinking his self into an oblivion, risking his career and livelihood because he cannot get over Jac; I have never seen him like this over a girl, not even when he was engaged... I shouldn't have said that..." Mo stammered.

Sacha's face fell, Jac was already second best. How many other secrets like this did Jonny have? But to Jac, Jonny was everything. Was Jonny just on the rebound? Was that all Jac ever was?

"What do you mean Mo?!" Sacha demanded an angry tone in his voice, that somehow didn't suit or seem right for him to have. When Mo shied away, and didn't answer, Sacha demanded once again. "What did you mean?!"

Mo stuttered and felt very self-conscious in this moment "It was ages ago Sacha, so Jac honestly isn't a rebound, I swear down, before you think to ask that. Though I can see why you might. Jonny was young, dumb; he thought he had found the one, so proposed. He thought everything was rosy, but Jonny has had more heart break and more of a history than everybody thinks. He was too young to realise she was screwing him over. And he was made a fool of, made a fool of badly, on his supposed wedding day. She stormed up the isle towards him, with a smug look on her face. She slapped him, slapped him hard, and told him how useless he was, in more way that one, and highly idiotic. He had proven to what extent he was an idiot in her eyes, having been foolish enough to actually believe that someone like her, would marry someone like him. She hadn't bought a dress or anything. Let him pay for everything that she did buy. The evil witch. All this was planned and executed to the detail. And it worked." Mo sighed heavily.

"I... I... I feel so... erm... so guilty... so guilty now." Sacha stumbled in this twist of events.

"It's ok. Don't tell him I told you. Please! Nobody is supposed to know, he will kill me should anybody find out, anybody at all, but most importantly Jac." Sacha nodded eagerly, exactly like a nodding dog. "So what I mean is; Jonny isn't very trusting anymore. Which is understandable? To trust enough to love takes a lot for him now, and so he will not give up easily. He will fight her to the death in order to never let her go. Why do you think he is so heartbroken now? And as for the no-children issue... I don't think Jonny will ever leave Jac because she is potentially infertile. He lives in the now, in case you haven't noticed, and so loves in the now; loves the people he has, not those he may have in the future. And anyway, I honestly believe that he would be more hurt by losing her as a result of her shame and the face she didn't feel she could rely on him and trust him enough to stand by her. He would look towards the positives and options of the problems that may be thrown his way, no hunt to find the negatives that may be there. He loves her Sacha, he really does. Jonathon Maconie loves Jacqueline Naylor and there isn't anything anyone can do about it!"

Sacha smiled gleefully, the confidence once again restored to him. "That's enough for me Mo. If you believe what you have said, paid with my belief that Jac loves Jonny very dearly I think we can be sure. We have two fools in love here Mo, and it is our responsibility to try to sort them out. Make them see sense. Bang their head together, as they say!"

Mo had obviously been thinking during Sacha's latest outburst. "Sacha... You honestly think Jac would give anything to have Jonny back with her?" Mo quizzed.

"No..." Sacha paused and Mo's face fell. "I truly know that Jac would give everything to have her sexy Scottish nurse back... whether that is Jonny I cannot be sure." Sacha winked at Mo. "Does Jonny want his ice queen back in his arms at night; fall asleep next to her, wake up next to her..."

"Jonny would risk his livelihood to have her back. Wait... Jonny _is_ risking his livelihood due to not having her. My plan just might work Sacha... No, My plan just will work..."

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**I am getting somewhere now... to the main idea I had for this story... sorry for it being a waffley fic, but hey, thats my style and the way I do this ;D**

**Thanks, Please review to tell me whether to bother carrying on! ****Hayley x**


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